I have a confession to make: I’m a drama-queen. I’ve been studying it for years, but have only become good at it very recently. Two years ago, my life just … happened. I lost my job, my morals, my boyfriend, my flat, my alles. I had to start from scratch, and then it fell apart once more. And yet again.

The adrenaline was amazing! It gave me a rush thinking of what could go wrong next. I loved how every time someone asks me how I am, I could reply with a sob-story. Weird, hey?

Yes, I hated how I would worry, yes, I became rather skinny (my type of skinny is weighing 55kilos, not weighing 45kilos), yes, I drowned in debt (still drowning in debt).

But it felt as though I was living the authentic life. I imagined myself to be the struggling artist, never mind that I wasn’t really writing or studying (if you don’t count studying to become a drama-queen). I used to reckon that one day, I’d have enough material for three, possibly four best-selling books. At one stage, I got evicted from my cushy flat in Tamboerskloof. I told myself not to worry, I’ll be a larnie bergie. I’ll be the only one wearing Swarovski earrings.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Though perhaps I do. I crave that adrenaline. Now that my life just couldn’t get better. It has become rather boring. Even the drama with Victor (that’s another blog post altogether) isn’t really dramatic enough. Except his willy. Now, that is indeed dramatic!

What can I do to find that same amount of drama? My work is rather dull, but methinks I prefer it to be that way. My sex life isn’t really something to write home about but it’s manageable. I’m speaking to my granny again after many, many months of avoiding her. What’s to complain about? Honestly? My weight? Well, you know what, I’m not even fat. Not really. Yes, I could easily lose 5 kilos. But I’m too lazy. And now that I stay on my own, I don’t spend a lot of money on food, so perhaps I’ll lose the weight eventually but not from trying to.

And no, this is not a plea for something drastic to happen! God knows (which one, though?) I’ve had enough drama in the last two years… I’d like to have an extended leave of absence, please?