Are you a bigger sinner than me?

So Cheap Thrills has this seven deadly sins meme going on and I decided to spend some time (not that much, though) completing the challenge. It helped me deal with today’s excitement…

WRATH

1. Whom did you last get angry with?

My mom. She never calls me, ever. I’m always the one who has to call her. I don’t mind, mostly, but it would be nice if she could call me once a year, like on my birthday, perhaps?

2. What is your weapon of choice?

My sharp tongue.

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?

I used to hit Toby at times. But I was justified, and it didn’t happen very often. I promise.

4. How about of the same sex?

Um. I wouldn’t mind, but I’ve never had to. Or I always had people around to do it on my behalf.

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?

I don’t know? Victor?

6. What is your pet peeve?

Journos with 4-year degrees who write like this: “It’s warm and I nestle in, and taste… the heavenly sweetcorn sauce complimenting the springroll beautifully…” and this “Seared Tuna set on Wasabi Risotto with Kassler sauce — a carefully crafted canvass, painted with the purple of the tuna, wasabi green of the risotto rice, and bright orange of the sliced carrots.”

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?

I keep them. Sorry.

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t?

Make my bed.

2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?

I don’t do lie-ins much. Probably at about 11am?

4. What is the last lame excuse that you made?

That I got burled.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?

Probably, years ago, when I was still living at home.

6. When was the last time you got in a good workout?

If sex doesn’t count, two years ago.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?

Three or four times. I only got up at 7:30am

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?

Johnny Walker Black.

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat??

Both.

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?

I’m not a big drinker. Lemme see. One glass of white, three shots of Tequila, two Johnny Blacks and one glass of red. Or is that an awful lot?

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?

Nope.

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?

Dur.

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy?

Sweets, salty food AND spicy.

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”?

No!

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family):

Enough.

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)

Enough.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation?

Far too often.

4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?

Once.

5. What is your favourite body part on a person of your gender of choice?

Arms. Me likes nice arms.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?

I hope not.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own?

Define ‘own’.

2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?

Luca Italia in the Waterfront

3. Would you rather be rich, or famous?

Rich.

4. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?

Hell no. I need to like my job.

5. Have you ever stolen anything?

Of course.

6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?

About 3000

PRIDE

1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of?

Getting into copywriting as a career.

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?

Who knows?

3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life?

Start my own empire.

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?

Not as much as I used to.

5.Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?

6.Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?

Yes, but this is boring. Once, when I was in Standard Five, we had to write a book review in Afrikaans. I was lazy, so I just translated the blurb on the back into Afrikaans, added some of my own ideas and scored an easy 90%, though it could’ve been more.

7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?

I did no work. LOL. I jest. I made my bed this morning.

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?

Gareth’s iMac and Macbook.

2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?

Warren Buffet.

3.If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?

Samantha from Sex and the City (you knew I’ll mention SATC, didn’t you?)

4. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yeah. And if I meet that cow, I’ll break her ass.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own

A more streamlined nose.

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?

Patience

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And his eyes went wide

There’s this good friend of mine who always says the following: “I don’t believe in sex before marriage, which is why I only shag married men.”

I laughed so hard when I first saw it in her Gchat status bar, I snorted. Loudly. So hard that Warren looked at me and smiled. Of course I couldn’t tell everyone in the office just why I’m laughing.

Well, I remembered that line, and was waiting for an opportunity to use it. It took me a good couple of weeks, but I’m proud to say I finally used it.

It happened at a copy store. I had to get some stuff copied, so went there and a middle-aged man followed me inside.

I was dressed very sexily: skanky red shoes, pretty top and my loose-fitting chocolate pants. My hair was as messy as possible, and I was wearing my signature perfume.

So The Middle-Aged Man catches my roving eye. I was staring at his documents. Looked as though he’s about to file for a divorce. I didn’t want him to talk to me, but it happened. He started talking about how he will never again get married.

I gave a self-satisfied smile, and, in my best Leigh-Anne accent, I told him that, actually, I don’t believe in sex before marriage. He looked crestfallen. And then I continued – “which is why I only shag married men.”

That thought must’ve depressed him even more, or he was just too shocked to hear a seemingly good girl say something so very bizarre ( it wasn’t exactly the best timing). We chatted for a bit, and he told me about a You article in which people talk frankly about shagging married men. Hmmm. I need to read that.

So now that I have a thing for married men, will I ever be able to shag a “regular” guy?

Is there something as too much excitement?

I got what I wanted, I guess. Right now, I’ve got “lights, camera, action!”

On Thursday, I did something I’m not very proud of: I bunked work. Ai tog. I fucking finally made it past my probation period (18 January 2008) and I do something stupid like that.

So, of course, I got a warning. It’s only a First Written Warning Letter, but it’s there nonetheless. Stalin looked downright uncomfortable, probably expecting me to put up a fight over receiving the warning. I didn’t. Shame, poor oke. I felt worse than he did. I don’t know why I thought he was a meanie. Anyway.

It’s the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

This is from Crash. I guess what happened here, was the feeling of not being communicated to. So I bunked, and someone spoke to me. Finally. My logic is fucked up sometimes, so help me out.

Do I feel bad for bunking on Thursday? Yes, of course I do. It was Warren’s last day yesterday, so I will never see him again. Had I at least showed up for work on Thursday, I would have seen 8 hours more of him.

Oh well, we’ll always have facebook.

You could’ve told me

I have a cute little feng-shui frog that I feed money to. I’ve had him/her for a while now. I never really used to feed him/her much money; it’d always just be a 20c or a 50c coin.

Some months back, Toby started feeding it R2 coins. At some stage we even had a R5 coin in it. We believed it brings luck.

Who knows, perhaps it does? I thought my luck started to turn in August. But then it took a dip and then, some months later, it peaked. It peaked again in September, when I started this job, and then it peaked yet again in November, when I realised I like Victor.

I always kept a steady supply of coins ready for the little froggie. I couldn’t have him/her go hungry and I needed to feel that my good luck is assured.

So of course I am beginning to wonder if I did the right thing last night. I took the money out of his mouth. I needed taxi fare. Eeeek.

Now, Victor has been busy the whole week. I didn’t really hear much from him. He’s been rather … distant. So I’m starting to freak out. I am starting to suspect that he found my blog (this one) and that he has been reading it on the sly.

I tried to phone him today. Twice. Three times. The fourth time I put my number on “private number” and he picked up. That says something. I’m very, very, very, very sad. Being too busy to pick up my call, but not too busy to pick up a “private number” call? Ag nee, man.

Him reading the blog wouldn’t upset me; him not telling me he found it would. So, Xxxxxxx, if you’re reading this, I’d just like to ask you the following: “Why didn’t you tell me?” Why did you act as though you’ve never laid eyes on my darling little blog?

I deleted your telephone number. I’m considering taking you off my facebook. I deleted the things I posted on your wall. I can contact you only through email. And I won’t do so. Or perhaps I will. See, I know what I get like when I’m upset. Ask Toby. That’ll be Xxxxx, if you haven’t figured it out by now. Not even Xxxxx would do something like this.

I hope you’re happy now.  I’m not. Or. I guess I am. Cause now I know what you’re really like. I guess you just wanted me for sex, hey? I should not have slept with you. I knew it was a mistake. I knew that you’re too clever to want a girlfriend who doesn’t even have a degree or a diploma. I knew that you’d be too embarrassed to introduce me to your *real* friends. Fuck. I’m stupid. *Bangs head against wall*

I blame that picture that Gareth took in 2006. It’s just so damn sexy. You weren’t the only guy who fell in love with those pictures. In one day, I would get 25 Datingbuzz messages. You weren’t special; I was just bored. *Stops banging head against wall*

Recovers, and catches Warren’s eye. Shit, he’s mighty fine. I think I’ll quit my job and shag him. He can be my rebound guy. Him, and not you, Xxxxxxx.

And then, just to get my revenge on you (I’m freakishly evil, if you have not noticed it yet) I will include your full name and profession and everything in this blog. And I’ll email your mom. Or your little brother. Or should I email your sister instead? Who shall it be??? I wonder. Your dad? Perhaps I won’t even email, perhaps I’ll send them a handwritten note to their postal address. I’m not quite sure what I’ll say. But I’ll figure it out.

Trust me.

Naming and shaming

While having a walk today, I thought of all the men in my life or all the men who have been part of my life in the last year or so. There is one I am leaving out intentionally. He hurt me the most and I would rather just forget about him if that’s ok.

The ex: We shall call him Toby. We dated for a very long time. On and off, on and off, constantly. Never-ending. Fuck! Finally broke up again in October, I think. We still speak, but not very frequently. We stayed together as well and I finally kicked him out last week.

The busy executive: Let’s call him Uri. We met off a semi well-known site. He’s married, with 2.2 kids, a suburban existence and a rather hectic lifestyle. Fabulous conversationalist. I think he’s adorable, but I feel guilty… He’s a dom, which is fine. I like it, however, I think he takes it one, possibly two, steps too far.

The lover: Hmmm. Gareth suits him well. We met ages ago, when I was still waitressing, though nothing ever happened back then. Only after I left the restaurant, did we hook up. He gave me my first taste of wickedly intense sex. Problem is that he has a long distance girlfriend.

The minor celebrity: He doesn’t really belong here, but let’s call him Malcolm. We also met off a rather well-known website (I think online dating is bloody amazing), though nothing has ever happened between us. I made a rather disparaging remark today. I hope it put him off completely.

The One: Where to begin? His name. Right. Um… Victor. Tall, dark and handsome. Or that’s how I see him. We met off an actual dating website. (Yes, this is quite a trend with me) I’d like to believe I am in love… it’s probably lust. We’ll see. We can talk. We can shag. We can argue. We can cuddle. We … I should really stop using we. I’m tired of having my heart broken into a million little pieces.

The crush: Warren is such a cute boy. We work together, or rather, we work at the same company. I’ve been crushing on him for the last couple of months. I doubt anything much will happen, but it is nice to dream, isn’t it? He’s so very cute. But young. My age. I’m sure I’ll have to hand in my Cosmo-girl badge if I date/shag him?

The one I never had: Doomed from the start. I sort of cheated on Toby with Nick. We made a great couple (in looks, only) but he was just not ready for any type of commitment. Divorced, 2.2 kids, a dog, et cetera. We didn’t have much in common but I often wonder if it could’ve worked out…