I get honest with myself

07/04/2010

I am attracted to men who can’t commit. I enjoy the drama. I enjoy wondering whether he’ll change. I enjoy wondering why he still hasn’t called me. I do, however, have less drama in my life. My job is great, I’m exercising, I’m writing, everything’s great. So perhaps I feel that I ‘need’ drama in the form of relationships or else I’ll get bored.

I’m trying hard not to respond to Khanya’s sms from Sunday night. Baggage Reclaim is helping me to resist. Thank you, thank you, thank you. But I really want to, if only to tell him to call me when he has his act together. Pieter and I are on speaking terms again — I know, I know — but that has to stop. I told Gareth to piss off and did the same with Uri.

So yeah. This is difficult but it’s something I have to do. And I will never again claim that I want a ‘uncomplicated’ sex/relationship. Because that’s a big fat lie.

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