The Jozi boytjie and I

27/12/2008

I am officially fucked up. Why did I assume that the Jozi boytjie flew down to shag me? Why is it such a mindfuck that he wanted to come ‘kuier’ and wasn’t looking to get laid?Is this indicative of all the bad relationships I have had, or does it mean that he is naive?

We spoke about this last night and we agreed to take things slowly. hmmm. It’s just so slow, though. He doesn’t touch me, even 😦  Fine, then, there were some late night fondling, which I enjoyed very muchly, but it wasn’t anything serious. And yes, we do spoon; sometimes I’m the big spoon 😉

He went to visit some of his friends in the Boerewors Curtain so I’m at home. I’m not so sure about things. I know he likes me and all but I don’t think he’s all that into me. I know the signs. And I don’t see ’em. But it could also just be that he’s still a bit shy [around me]. And that he isn’t experienced in relationships, or even kissing: he’s a geek. A hot geek but a geek nonetheless.

I started this blog just more than a year ago to deal with all the shit that have happened to me. I meant this blog to be the digital equivalent of a psychologist. I’m not so sure that it has helped: I’m still clueless about men, I’m still paranoid and I still feel fragile. The Jozi boytjie is a good oke and perfect on paper but, same as Victor, he is a big  fixer-upper IRL.

He’s not nearly as bad as last month’s hot catch, though. Or was it October’s? So there isn’t much to complain about except that we only chat when we’re with other people. This is so different from the 3435 IM conversations we have had.  He wakes up in the morning, grabs his book and reads until at least 11:00. I want attention, damn it!

And I can get it if I want: there’s yet another Gumtree oke who is interested in me. I should’ve accepted his offer earlier today to buy me coffee. I’ll give him a call on Tuesday or so and get him to take me to Pigalle.

Update @ 23:14

He’s just not that into me. He’ll be sleeping over at a friend’s tonight and tomorrow night. How I’m feeling? I’m relieved. I knew he wasn’t really that much into me but I *wanted* him to want me. Yes, this is a big blow to my ego but … another lesson learnt. He needs a smarter girl than me, anyway; I’m no match for his intellect.

Update on update @ 23:28

I’m crying.

Imaginary Facebook status @ 23:55

Tarah is wondering whether she should erase all memory of the Jozi boy: IMs, photos taken last night and all emails…

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