I’m not desperate to meet men. I swear. But G-d knows, this is bullshit. They are everywhere, but they just don’t ask me out. Does that mean they’re not interested in me, or does it mean they already have girlfriends (or boyfriends)? Or when they do ask me out in their own little random way, it never seems to ‘happen’?
On Saturday, I went to my favourite Exclusives. It helps that it’s close to where I stay. As I walk towards the door, I see that Pwetty Boy is there. This means he’s back from the UK, well, Scotland. He left Cape Town in 2006. We used to work together at Exclusives, way before I had an emotional slash mental slash financial meltdown…
So, I walk past where he was chatting to the store manager and enter the store. I buy the magazines I was planning on buying and go outside to chat to him. He was thrilled to see me. We hugged. And hugged again. And he told me about everything he’s been doing, which includes working at a different store and having to find a new apartment. So when I told him I’ll say goodbye to him on his final day at that Exclusives, he said “Yeah, and then we should get a drink”.
So why then, did that not happen? Was I expecting too much? Did I misread what he said? Was it one of those “Oh, we should hang out some time” things people say? I wasn’t expecting anything to happen; it would’ve been great just to have a coffee or a beer (Peroni, of course) with an attractive dude whom I’ve been dying to kiss for the past two years.
This isn’t quite what Parenthesis had in mind, but it’s something I’ve been dying to tell…
So I finally decided to grace the new Gucci store with my presence. This was on a quiet Sunday afternoon, some weeks back. I’m feeling very classy in my Marion and Lindie dress worn over my jeans. There’s no reason why my LBD should languish in my cupboard, right?
I walk in and have a (sneer-filled) look around. I can’t imagine having a handbag with such obvious labelling: I’m a label snob, not a label whore. I walk to one of the displays, pick up one of the wallets and try (I was trying for discreetly, but it didn’t quite work) to see the price. Five grand. I nearly died.
One of the salesladies was following me around (guess I didn’t look rich enough to her), and was standing right behind me when I was muttering to myself “Why, why, why?”. To ensure I do not look like a complete nutcase, I then asked her “Why, why, why?”. She went into detail about the quality of the fabric they used when I stopped her “Hold on, this isn’t leather?”. “You mean, this is the same material they used in my Louis?” She was very respectful, and nodded a yes. I walked around a bit more, hoping my el cheapo bag’s frayed side isn’t showing. I tried acting tres classy, as though I were Audrey Hepburn.
She asked if there’s anything I would like to look at, but I declined. I told her I’m just looking; I’ve been meaning to come inside the store to browse ever since they opened, but I will never, ever buy Gucci. I tried to look as full of disdain as possible.
The sales assistant was shocked, and I can understand why. Gucci is an uber-luxury brand. I tell her “Oh god, everyone’s got Gucci. I don’t want something everyone has.” I take another walk through the store, and leave.
It’s only later on that I remember: not everyone has Gucci; everyone I know have Guess. There’s a tiny, tiny difference: Gucci is luxe; Guess isn’t. And I’ve been confusing Gucci with Guess. It’s so easy, I mean, their names both start with a G…
I should really read more. I got this list off Cheap Thrills, who got it off KaB, who got it off someone from the interwebs. It’s a stupid list. Where’s the Qur’an, Things Fall Apart, (takes a trip to her bookcase) The God of Small Things, an amazing dictionary and He’s Just not that into you?
Anyway. And yes, I do read dictionaries. I tag whoever is interested. Leigh, you’ve been awfully quiet. I’d love to see your list. And Parenthesis’, too. 😉
1. Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2. Italicise those you started but did not finish.
3. Underline the books you LOVE.
4. Highlight the ones you still want to read but just have not had a chance yet!
5. Strike-through the books that you sneer at.
6. Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who’ve read 6 or less and force books upon them.
1. The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
2. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
3. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
4. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
5. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
6. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
7. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
8. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
9. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
10. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
11. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
12. Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
13. His Dark Materials (trilogy) – Philip Pullman
14. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
15. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
16. The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien
17. Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
18. Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
19. Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
20. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
21. Chronicles of Narnia – C.S. Lewis
22. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
23. Winnie the Pooh – A.A. Milne
24. Animal Farm – George Orwell
25. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
26. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
27. On The Road – Jack Kerouac
28. Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
29. Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White
30. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
31. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
32. Complete Works of Shakespeare
33. Ulysses – James Joyce
34. Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
35. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
36. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
37. The Bible
38. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
39. War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
40. Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
41. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
42. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
45. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
46. Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
47. The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
48. A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
49. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
50. Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
51. Little Women – Louisa M. Alcott
52. Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
53. Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
54. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
55. Middlemarch – George Eliot
56. Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
57. Bleak House – Charles Dickens
58. The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
59. David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
60. Emma – Jane Austen
61. Persuasion – Jane Austen
62. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
63. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
64. The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
65. A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
66. The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
67. Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery
68. Far From the Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
69. Atonement – Ian McEwan
70. Dune – Frank Herbert
71. Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
72. A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
73. The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
74. A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
75. Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
76. The Secret History – Donna Tartt
77. The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
78. Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
79. Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
80. Bridget Jones’ Diary – Helen Fielding
81. Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
82. Moby Dick – Herman Melville
83. Dracula – Bram Stoker
84. Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
85. The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
86. Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
87. Germinal – Emile Zola
88. Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
89. Possession – A.S. Byatt
90. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
91. Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
92. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
93. Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
94. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
95. The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
96. The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
97. The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
98. Watership Down – Richard Adams
99. A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
100. The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
I almost got hit with an episode of ‘internetlessness‘ tonight, but thankfully, it was short-lived. So, without much further ado (hey, even copywriters are allowed some cliches every once in a while), I’ll attend to my homework, lovingly dished out by Cheap Thrills.
We had to choose 5 famous people, whom we’re ‘allowed’ to sleep with. Their partner cannot get mad with – the people on their list are ‘guiltfree freebies’. This was so much fun, I might just spend the rest of tonight drooling over some more pwetty men pictures.
Bradley Witford: Not conventionally pwetty, but so very sexy. To me. I don’t care about what others think, this guy is hot. I think he’s the reason why I obsess over The West Wing.
He’s bald. And a manly man. Yummy.
Cute doesn’t describe her. Sexy also doesn’t. I need a new dictionary for Rihanna.
OMG. OMG. OMG. This dude is sm0kin’. In so many ways. The arms, the eyes, the hair, the alles. I’ll take three servings, please.
One night with Thierry, and I’ll be ready to leave this life. Promise. Had it not been for that ‘Va Va Voom’ ad, I would never have known of his existence…
I love Sleepyjane’s memes. I’m stealing this one from her blog.
The Eight Things Meme
Eight things I’m passionate about;
- Boys (Fine, men, not boys)
- Seedless raisins
- My bed
- Sex and the City
- Great wine
Eight Things I want to do before I die;
- Have sex
- Travel, travel, travel and travel
- Get a PhD
- Read 43895745825950459482589273480340495809 books
- Have 23 profitable companies or so
- Buy property
- Be my mom’s best friend again
Eight things I say often;
- This is bullshit ( But I only think it, nogals in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice)
- Oh my god
- Oh my word
- LOL (I’m a geek, OK?)
- Bloody hell
Eight books I’ve read recently; ¹
- The Color Purple
- Troublesome Words
- Sex Tips – Anne Hooper
Eight movies I have seen eight times; ²
- The Devil wears Prada (I came close enough – 4 times)
¹ Dude, I no longer read that much, but anyway. These are only the books I have finished reading. If a book does not ‘grip’ me within 100 pages, I dump it and move on.
² There are just too many movies to see each one eight times, but anyway.
Well, folks, due to popular demand, here’s another little titbit of consumerism.
Yes, folks, this is the Sony Ericsson Experia X1. I want it badly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my Sony Ericsson k800i; however, it is not HSUPA-enabled. And after doing just a tiny bit of research for an article on mobile internet, I have decided it’s time for a new phone. Fine, not just yet, but in a couple of months’ time, then. This time next year, perhaps? Cause if I keep doing what I’m doing, I could be in the black by then. And if I increase the amount I pay towards my debt, I could be done in nine months…
The phone looks a little bit clunky, but that’s fine. And I’ll force myself to get used to the keypad, which is not my style at all. But an HSUPA-enabled Sony Ericsson phone? There *must* be a God…
Even better. This phone can use Skyfire and has a Wi-fi connection. So I’m sold.
So. I’m about to do something crazy yet again. Someday soon, I’ll make a list of all the crazy situations I’ve been in.
And no, I’m not going to pilfer something. Promise. If I survive this, I’ll write a lengthy post to explain everything. LOL
So Cheap Thrills has this seven deadly sins meme going on and I decided to spend some time (not that much, though) completing the challenge. It helped me deal with today’s excitement…
1. Whom did you last get angry with?
My mom. She never calls me, ever. I’m always the one who has to call her. I don’t mind, mostly, but it would be nice if she could call me once a year, like on my birthday, perhaps?
2. What is your weapon of choice?
My sharp tongue.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
I used to hit Toby at times. But I was justified, and it didn’t happen very often. I promise.
4. How about of the same sex?
Um. I wouldn’t mind, but I’ve never had to. Or I always had people around to do it on my behalf.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
I don’t know? Victor?
6. What is your pet peeve?
Journos with 4-year degrees who write like this: “It’s warm and I nestle in, and taste… the heavenly sweetcorn sauce complimenting the springroll beautifully…” and this “Seared Tuna set on Wasabi Risotto with Kassler sauce — a carefully crafted canvass, painted with the purple of the tuna, wasabi green of the risotto rice, and bright orange of the sliced carrots.”
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I keep them. Sorry.
1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t?
Make my bed.
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
I don’t do lie-ins much. Probably at about 11am?
4. What is the last lame excuse that you made?
That I got burled.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
Probably, years ago, when I was still living at home.
6. When was the last time you got in a good workout?
If sex doesn’t count, two years ago.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
Three or four times. I only got up at 7:30am
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Johnny Walker Black.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat??
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?
I’m not a big drinker. Lemme see. One glass of white, three shots of Tequila, two Johnny Blacks and one glass of red. Or is that an awful lot?
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy?
Sweets, salty food AND spicy.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”?
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family):
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation?
Far too often.
4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?
5. What is your favourite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Arms. Me likes nice arms.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
I hope not.
1. How many credit cards do you own?
2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?
Luca Italia in the Waterfront
3. Would you rather be rich, or famous?
4. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Hell no. I need to like my job.
5. Have you ever stolen anything?
6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?
1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of?
Getting into copywriting as a career.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life?
Start my own empire.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
Not as much as I used to.
5.Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
6.Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Yes, but this is boring. Once, when I was in Standard Five, we had to write a book review in Afrikaans. I was lazy, so I just translated the blurb on the back into Afrikaans, added some of my own ideas and scored an easy 90%, though it could’ve been more.
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?
I did no work. LOL. I jest. I made my bed this morning.
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
Gareth’s iMac and Macbook.
2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?
3.If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
Samantha from Sex and the City (you knew I’ll mention SATC, didn’t you?)
4. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yeah. And if I meet that cow, I’ll break her ass.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own
A more streamlined nose.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?