A follow up post on my non-orgasmic ways

21/03/2008

About two months ago I wrote a post How do I know if I’ve had an orgasm?

I still don’t know if I’ve ever had one. Friends tell me what I’m experiencing, is what happens before an orgasm, and not the actual thing. Books describe it as the actual thing.

So, I’m confused. It’s only when I’m relaxed enough, that I can really enjoy getting licked. I used to have serious body issues in the past, so it was hard to believe someone actually want to eat me out.

It’s still embarrassing to talk about. Imagine what it’s like sitting in conversation with your girlfriends, talking about sex and orgasms, and them almost expecting you to share your experiences. And being too embarrassed to.
It’s even worse for me, because my friends see me as a highly sexual being. I’m loud and proud and they automatically think I know what I’m doing. In life, in love and in bed. While I’m not bad in bed (I do my share, and more), I feel inferior. Slightly. And I wonder why my friends think I’m such a dynamite in bed.

That person doesn’t exist. That’s the Tarah who is living in New York, the Big Apple. That Tarah is a freelance writer and submits articles to The New York Times. She attends art exhibitions in her Jimmy Choo’s; she has no problem getting an orgasm; she is engaged to a wonderful man who is probably an Art Professor at some fancy university; she deposits $1,000 into her mom’s account every single month.

I’m not her. We’re different. We live in different universes.

What happens then? The best feeling I’ve ever had, was an involuntary twitch in my legs. It happens when I’m very, very, very aroused and sometimes with the help of a vibrator. The first time I got this feeling, was with Victor. I couldn’t believe it. Finally, something happens. I was so glad to experience anything at all, so glad that I might be normal, after all.

And I’m not the only one. People find me mostly through searches such as the following:

  • how do women know when they cum
  • female orgasm
  • how do you know if your cumming?
  • how do i know when ive cum

My guess is that some of these searches are done by women. So if you’re reading this, I’m sorry that I don’t have the answers. I’m also just searching, just like you. Searching, hoping, panicking that I’m abnormal, but mostly hoping that someday, something will just click and I’ll be happy. Or happy(ish).

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3 Responses to “A follow up post on my non-orgasmic ways”

  1. SoupNumber5 Says:

    Man. I don’t know how’d I react if never knowing the feeling of an orgasm. But since I’m a guy and guys know the feeling before even hitting puberty. I asked my lesbian friend if she can explain to me the woman orgasm. I think if you want some orgasm advice, ask a lesbian. Usually they’re highly sexually active and do it like three times a day if they could. Or that could just be my friend.

  2. callith Says:

    Soup, I think that’s a generalization that’ll get you into a lot of trouble.

  3. Lee Says:

    I have no answers for you as for all i know every girl could have lied to me…. So my only comment is “I love these posts”

    Thanks

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