Why I can’t go back to dating again


I don’t think I can do “dating” again. I’ve been on so many dates, most of which were awful. A big number of them turned out to be non-dates.

Take Young Jewish Guy for example. We met on JDate. Yeah, I’m a wanna be Jew. He made it quite clear that he’s a student. I was fine with that. I made it quite clear that I’m not exactly white, and that I’m not exactly Kosher. He was fine with that.

I didn’t, however, realise that Cape Town is a fucking fishing village, and that he’d probably know Toby. Fuck number one. Half an hour before our coffee date, I spoke to Toby (this was in 2006, btw) and told him I’m going to meet Young Jewish Guy. Toby snickered and told me Young Jewish Guy is a prick.

I didn’t believe him. Young Jewish Guy phoned me ten minutes before we were supposed to meet, telling me some of his friends had decided to see a movie, and would I like to join them? I was really keen to meet him, so said “Yeah, sure” and skipped to the movie house. It was around the corner from where I was waiting. Working, sorry.

I got there and saw that Young Jewish Guy is balding, short and fat. I can do two of the three; I can’t do a menage a trois. In fact, I have done two of the three before, and it didn’t bother me too much. But all three? Eeeew.

Determined to be pleasant, I sauntered up to the little group, noticed that he’s drinking white wine out of a plastic (or foam, I can’t really remember which) cup, and introduced myself to him. Oh, I forget, Glen was with me. He spotted Young Jewish Guy in the crowd. Glen decided he’s not going to waste a lovely Friday night protecting me from whatever imaginary evils are lurking there, so he left. I stood next to Young Jewish Guy and his friends, we chatted for a bit until Young Jewish Guy casually asked me if I would mind paying my own ticket.

I gritted my teeth, gave him my best voice-dripping-with-sarcasm, opened my wallet, and darted to the booth to pay for my ticket when I realised I shouldn’t have to pay for anything on the first date.

He shouldn’t fucking expect me to 1) pay anything, 2) have to mingle with his dorky friends, 3) watch him drink wine out of a plastic (or foam, I can’t remember which) cup and 4) date a short, fat, bald guy.

So I told him that actually, I have a slight headache and could I take a rain cheque, please? He looked absolutely dejected. I nearly felt bad, but another look at the plastic (or foam) cup, and I steeled myself. I bid them a pleasant evening, and ran to catch up with Glen, who was already way ahead of me.

I’m sure there are great men out there. But they’re married. Or gay. Or emotionally unavailable. Or all three. So for now, I’ll just remain as comfortably numb as I am and worry about where I’ll sleep tonight.


7 Responses to “Why I can’t go back to dating again”

  1. Uri Says:

    I am jewish bold, short and fat. Fuck….

  2. kyknoord Says:

    So you think there are great men out there who are married, gay and emotionally unavailable? I can’t help feeling sorry for their wives…

  3. expensivemistakescheapthrills Says:

    dating sucks.

    i used to think it was fun.

    getting dressed up to go out.

    trying out all the dating websites.

    there’s shite out there.

    men are bastards.

  4. callith Says:

    Kyknoord, I don’t think they’ll have wives.. I think they’ll have husbands.

    Expensivemistakes, I also hate it. And I love it at the same time. I mostly hate it, though.

  5. Leigh-Anne Says:

    Tarah, darling, you didn’t respond to Uri’s statement…?

  6. callith Says:

    LOL @ Leigh-Anne. I didn’t? Oy vey. Well, I think Uri is fab. And he knows this. So I’m keeping mum on this subject. LOL

  7. Ramon Thomas Says:

    How come you are going online to find men? Cape Town is bustling with foreigners from all corners of the world, especially Europe. It has a reasonably sized Jewish community and you need to just find out where they hang out. And rather get introductions. That way at least there is some pre-screening that takes place before you are (un)pleasantly surprised by balding, short and fat men, whether they are Jewish or not.

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