naughty, naughty Tarah

10/01/2008

I’m pretty tempted to say I don’t deserve Victor. Please help me restrain myself. I want to believe that everything’s gonna be olraait between us. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

I think he is pretty much head over heels in love with me. A (male) friend advised me to test him, but I just couldn’t do it. Ek kon dit nie oor my hart kry nie. He’s one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He has made it his life’s mission to help me achieve an orgasm. He isn’t stingy. I don’t know why I ever thought he was. He makes plans for the future: we’ll spend a day or so finding furniture for his flat; we’ll find me a new flat and we’ll figure out how to see each other now that his car is busted.

I was naughty last night. Somehow, for some strange reason, he asked me (jokingly, I can only imagine) if I’m ok and he wanted to know how my dating life is going. I wrote back that I’m on a date and that I’m thinking of him. The poor guy! He got very jealous, but managed to be very mature about it. I left him in suspense for an hour or so and then let him know that he may feel jealous and I am missing him very much.

I’m just not used to such a sweet, sexy, gorgeous, intelligent, sensitive (a tad worrisome, I’ll admit…) guy, c’est tout. We spent a fair amount of time today sms’ing back and forth, and one of the things he mentioned was how strongly he feels about me. Should I feel flattered? Or is he likely to turn out to be one of those very jealous, very possessive types? I’ll feel flattered until further notice, thank you very much.

I wish he could just make up his mind that we are finally a couple. That would erase much of my fears. I’m worried that he is just using me somehow and that he has no intention of ever seeing me again. Yes, even though he is so jealous!

Argh! I’m crazy, I know.

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